The first part of this piece looked at the need to journey closely with our kids and not assume that we know them. It also looked at child programming as a perspective to the way we interact with our children and the need to actively engage our kids to know them better, guide them better and prepare them for their future roles and responsibilities. This second part goes further to show us the need to know our child’s history, to let them express themselves, closely follow their progress and our ongoing task to bring the beautiful seed in them to fruition.
When children become too many or get beyond your capacity to handle, they simply become a population. You need to be able to accompany each of them emotionally, physically, academically, spiritually and otherwise.
Know Your Child’s History
There are probably things that have affected the child as he/she grew up. It is important to know these factors, which could be environmental, individuals who influenced them, circumstances, misfortunes, family, and any other possible factors in the child’s history.
It is also important to know your child’s talents, fears, weaknesses, strengths, personality and tendencies. Know their dreams and aspirations. A certain child kept saying that he would have a factory and employ people. The dream came true. When we know their aspirations, we can guide them accordingly.
Among other things, knowing your child psychologically means a lot. Has he/she had experiences that have weakened him/her mentally, emotionally and/or have had an impact on his/her self-esteem? Does your child have issues such as anxiety disorders, excessive shyness or intense feelings of insecurity? These are psychological scars that can mark a child for life if these are not detected early and the child helped to develop confidence and indeed begin to feel secure.
As parents/guardians, make efforts to understand the psychological journey of your child. As adults, we sometimes forget that a child is a child and thinks like a child. When we were their age, we knew no better, rather we knew even less. We have certain expectations of a child which may not be age appropriate. We just need to understand where the child is and what they can learn according to that age. Know if your child has anxiety disorder. This is very crucial as it affects the child into adulthood.
Guidance, Self-Esteem and Self-Expression
Have an activity which you carry out with each of your kids/teenagers. This will give each a sense of his/her uniqueness and that child will have time to just be with dad or with mum when that activity is being carried out. This will boost their self-esteem and the child will have a sense of his or her importance as part of the larger family.
Let them be free to talk with you and express themselves. Study your child closely. And this applies equally to fathers and mothers or guardians. Some parents miss these points. All they do is pump money and provide for them in abundance, as though material provision could take the place of their parental love and guidance. Do not let your kids just be on their own either, leaving them to bring up themselves, so to say. They will not get it right. Children shouldn’t be left alone to just figure out the world around them. Guidance is required.
The teenage years could be turbulent with the teenager rebelling or questioning what he/she may have been taught. Other times it may just be that they too now have their opinions and so want to explore what they think. How the teenage years go would depend a lot on what has been, largely, in the earlier formative years.
Our modern education, particularly in many private nursery and primary schools, so much academic pressure is put on young children to excel. Doing well in studies is not a bad thing for our children, but it becomes a problem when class positions are used to taunt kids when results are issued by the school. Do not force your child to follow a line of study, career or profession. Else they may, for example, get a certain degree and leave it for you.
Time to Nurture and Mentor
Sometimes parents are so busy with work, business, and career to the detriment of their wards. Today when there is much talk about the empowerment of the girl child, it seems as though the boy child is being left behind. But the question is, “Who is doing the leaving behind?” If mothers and women in the society are taking the trouble to nurture, give domestic training to and mentor girls, why are the men not doing the same?
Are fathers there to nurture and mentor their sons? Or they leave the women to do what they should be doing – showing the boys what it entails to be a man in today’s society. Of course, you can only give what you have. As a man, what values and legacy would you be passing on to your son(s). Would it be your absence from the home? Or your material provision without creating time for your family? Or even non-provision for the family? Is it beating their mother? Or engaging in fraudulent and corrupt practices? You may think the child is too little to see, but eventually, a child can tell who his/her father really is or was.
When your child asks you a question, try not to ignore him or her. If you do that and keep doing so, you send the child the message that he/she can be ignored and this will affect their self-esteem. They will believe that they can be ignored by others out there, and that their thoughts, questions or viewpoints are not important.
The Child’s Life Purpose
Every child is born with a purpose, a destiny and a mission to accomplish in life. As a parent, yours is to create an enabling environment of guidance, growth and gradual self-discovery. This would eventually lead the child to find out what are his/her inclinations, gifts and interests. One concern parents need to have as the child grows, is to let the child discover what Robert Greene refers to as one’s “Life Tasks”, in his book titled Mastery. This is the goal of the person in terms of achievement and self-fulfilment in life.
Greene wrote: “At your birth a seed is planted. That seed is your uniqueness. It wants to grow, transform itself and flower to its full potential. It has a natural, assertive energy to it. Your Life’s Task is to bring that seed to flower, to express your uniqueness through your work. You have a destiny to fulfil. The stronger you feel and maintain it – as a force, a voice, or in whatever form – the greater your chance for fulfilling this Life’s Task and achieving Mastery. ”
For Greene, life is about achieving Mastery in what one does. One discovers one’s Life’s Task and follows the process all the way to Mastery. This process may begin at childhood or later in life. Whatever the case, the discovery of one’s uniqueness can often be traced by returning to one’s origin and connecting with the “primal inclination”.
This Life’s Task may not necessarily be the most lucrative, the most applauded or that recommended by parents, mentors or even peer pressure. Greene says it comes from one’s individuality and helps you know “which activities suit your character.” Through that, one discovers one’s vocation and the work/career that helps one fulfil one’s Life Task.
After you as a parent have done all you can, life itself will show your kid the path to tread by way of his or her choices and learned values.
Together We Can… Know Our Kids Better
So what YOU DO… as a Parent Matters!
The End
DISCLAIMER
The OPINION / COLUMN is authored by independent contributors to the National Accord Newspaper. While contributors adhere to our editorial guidelines, they are not employed by the National Accord Newspaper. The perspectives and opinions expressed herein are solely those of the author and do not represent the views of the National Accord Newspaper or its staff.
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